In the Beginning

wallpapers_girl-beach-run-artPuberty. Such an awkward time in life. My personal experience with it was life changing. Mainly, I remember mounting depression. I left grammar school anticipating fall, when I would be entering Junior High with my fresh suntan that I’d spent all summer working on. I was brimming with excitement and I had so much to look forward to!

Much to my chagrin, life had other plans. I was confronted with unforeseen changes. Braces, acne, oily hair, and menstruation. I was also suddenly more aware. I began to question everything. Who am I? What is the meaning of life? Why do we have to die?
Death grew to be an obsession with me. It was ugly and unspeakable. My lifeless body would someday be six feet under, disintegrating…for eternity. Life would continue all around, without me, and eventually one day I would be completely forgotten by all. The only thing left of me, the only way people would know I had existed, would be the headstone on my grave.

I had such a difficult time fathoming all of this. Why are we here anyway? We’re all just headed in the same direction. To the grave! It made absolutely no sense. No sense at all. The more I contemplated, the more the whole world seemed like complete nonsense to me. I was a wreck by the time I arrived at school the first day. I looked bad, I felt bad, I was depressed, and for the first time in my life, I felt completely alone. My shiny happy world had turned dark.

Looking back, I can clearly see that this would have been the perfect time for me to find God.

Instead, I found alcohol.

Next up: Rewriting Your Story

Flash forward forty years and here I am. Still breathing. I am sober, and I am hungry. Oh, not hungry for food… hungry for God. Actually, a dear friend who saw me through some of my darkest days of drunkenness used that phrase to describe me, and the sound of it resonated in my soul.