The first thing I want to throw out here today is that I’m new to blogging. Maybe that’s already obvious, but I’m adding a disclaimer to be safe. Doing a little C.Y.A. (as we used to say at the office).
I just dropped my anchor here and jumped in. I’ve got a habit of diving into the water before getting my toes wet. I’m notorious for it. What matters is that I’m doing it. Typing my heart out, and bopping away to the beat of my own drum.
I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum. Maybe it stems from feeling like such an outsider in my early years. At a pretty young age I started exploring self-help books and read whatever I could about becoming the magnificent Author of my Life.
I was always STRIVING. I strove to be ultra-independent, to make money, and to be totally self-reliant. Then I strove to be stress-free so that I could somehow be happy and content! The only thing that ever stood between me and the accomplishment of these goals were HUGE obstacles.
Over time, the art of “picking up the pieces and starting over” became second nature to me. I was a pretty solid warrior. Until my last few bouts with alcohol nearly consumed me, that is.
While my kids were fairly young, I managed to quit drinking and lived nearly ten years sober. I worked harder, made more money, and bought our first home. Life was good! Unfortunately, I had no relationship with God, nothing that even resembled a recovery program, and an inflated ego.
I toyed with the notion that things were different—that I didn’t really have a problem—and that I could maintain control if I ONLY allowed myself to indulge in wine, and for celebratory reasons. This proved to be a bad idea. Very bad. That particular celebration lasted for years, and so the cycle continued.
I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that being the head honcho, the magnificent author of my life, didn’t really work out for me. Now… praise God… I’m in a real recovery program. I’ve surrendered pen and paper to the REAL Author of my Life. A power MUCH greater than me is in charge…
And I am finally free.
Next Up: Sweet Surrender