I wasn’t completely satisfied with my previous post when I hit “Publish” yesterday (this morning, I should say). It didn’t seem complete. I just wasn’t feeling it.
That’s another faulty trait of mine that I discovered in my months of reflection; not listening to my gut. Needless to say, much of my life was spent doing damage control. I may talk more about that later. For now, I’m going to continue where I left off and add a little tidbit that (hopefully) leaves me feeling like I’ve completed the task I set out to do here; to convey something meaningful.
I realized today that I need to fast-forward through so MUCH of my journey. Writing is extremely healing, especially in recovery, and I would recommend it to anyone. But in all honesty, reviewing my life “on paper” has given me a pit in my stomach and a tremendous headache.
It’s like I want to stand up, violently shake the woman who wrote it, and shout…
“GET OVER YOURSELF!”
So that’s where I’m being led today. I’m going to go with my gut. I’ll tell you that TODAY my life has meaning. Somewhere along the road to recovery I learned that the world does NOT revolve around me, and I am forever grateful for that. While a lot of progress was made while writing my story, the HOPE that I have today isn’t found in those pages.
My Hope is in God.