There’s a term “pink cloud” that refers to a state of mind in early sobriety, characterized by extreme happiness and grandiosity, in spite of problematic conditions. The newly sober person feels “high on life” because they’re experiencing emotions that were previously numbed by alcohol.
Once I read up on the subject, I knew it was time to take a harder look at myself. Not to mention the fact that a couple of my longtime sober friends expressed their frustration with me, uttering cries that I “wasn’t getting it!”
Needless to say, I was booted off of my big cushy cloud. Fortunately I didn’t plummet and hit the ground exploding, but I DID crash land. Rather uncomfortably, I might add. It appears I don’t handle criticism very well.
After I picked myself up, I realized that I’d been holding onto an optimistic delusion about recovery. Every time I managed to “get” sober, I considered the crisis over, and deemed the problem solved. I’d frolic around, reveling in my sobriety, and never REALLY attempt to change. Given my previous track record, it’s obvious that this was NOT accurate thinking.
Getting sober is indisputably something to celebrate and be joyous about, but there’s endless toil involved in staying, and living sober…and I continually refused to deal with it by hiding out in a cloud of denial.
Gil suggested, numerous times, that l focus my efforts on “community” rather than romantic interests to help combat my loneliness and cultivate a heathier lifestyle…but I kept sweeping that whole notion under the rug (did I mention I’m stubborn?).
Not surprising, lack of a sense of camaraderie was the underlying reason I felt so isolated. What I had failed to recognize was that being part of an assemblage was not just something to consider, it was necessary!
My friends did me a HUGE favor by confronting me about my lackadaisical attitude. Their rigorous honesty turned out to be my saving grace. If they hadn’t challenged me, I might still be up on my diva-like pink throne… daydreaming about another fish to fry and buying time until my next fall.
I started attending meetings and gained a sense of “connectedness” that I had never felt before. The loneliness that had tormented me was diminishing. I guess you could say that God blessed me with WAY more than a desire to quit drinking. He provided an entire rescue team. Like-minded people who want to stay sober, and help others do the same.
And my foot was in the door.
Next Up: A Child of God
Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take a step. – Naeem Callaway