I hear those two words a lot. I have a very short attention span. I get lost in thought, so being “present” can be a challenge for me. There’s a little world inside my head, and I need to limit the amount of time I spend there. It’s my private little dwelling space, and that’s what I do there…
I think about the future, and I mull over the past. There’s a fine line to tip toe around in recovery. Don’t dwell in the past, but never forget where you came from. That’s a very fine line, indeed. Writing helps me with that. Write it down and move on!
And I daydream! I used to do way too much daydreaming. I can conjure up some pretty wild “expectations” in my daydreams. There’s a lot to be said about the disappointments that we encounter in life, due to our own expectations. The bottom line is that most people can’t live up to them. Not even ourselves. I speak from experience here, TRUST ME. Many a daydream of mine has been completely foiled by my own inability to live up to what I envisioned.
I’d have to say that I had a few unrealistic expectations about becoming a Christian. I imagined (or at least hoped) that I would walk into church, be saved, and float out sporting a pair of wings and a halo, to boot!
If you’ve been following the ups and downs of my journey, it’s obvious that the past year and a half was quite a struggle. Did I mention that I’m stubborn? It all goes back to what my pastor says about surrender. It’s THIS way (pointing ahead)…and everything else is THAT way (pointing behind). Little by little, the old unhealthy habits are falling away and getting left behind- and I keep moving forward, adding healthy habits… and not turning back. I have to stay surrendered. His will be done, not mine.
I think that all along, Jesus kept asking me the same question that he asked the man at the Pool of Bethesda.
Do you want to get well? And finally…
I said YES.