Confessions: Part Three

In spite of ALL the madness in those days (the crazy 80’s) – I held down a job for eight years, until… eventually, I was laid off. It wasn’t a surprise. Life had gotten really ugly, and I was showing up late on a regular basis, or calling in sick altogether.

If ever I had to identify my first turning point… it was when I set foot in my career. Our landlord was a casual friend, and a real estate broker- and he literally walked through our front door, offering me a job. In all honesty, the method behind his madness was that he wanted us to pay our rent!

With all that’s ever happened, and looking back now, I’d have to call his job offer one of my first God Winks. I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity.

I actually learned my writing skills in that job. I was an innocent, untrained sheep, thrown to the wolves in the real estate world (that’s supposed to be humorous). I survived my plight by teaching myself how to distinguish fires, ease the minds of stressed out clients, and win negotiations (and other battles), by writing well thought out, cleverly worded, and clearly stated letters and emails.

My verbal skills? Not so much!  But, thank God for written correspondence!

I took the job seriously, and eventually creeped out of my shell. I learned how to interact with people face to face, and started gaining the confidence that I so desperately needed. The downside was that, for many years, it was like having multiple identities, or personalities. One for the office, one for socializing, and one for home (and so on).

Sometimes I wonder if that’s why alcoholics (or maybe just ME) tend to prefer isolation. It’s exhausting to have to “put on” a personality that suits the circumstance that you’re in. Like I said, it was never done intentionally; and it’s taken me a LONG time to see it for what it really was.

During my fourteen years at that office, I gained the strength and courage to escape the hellacious marriage and find sobriety. I blossomed into a productive member of society! BUT, I was STILL empty. The alcohol was replaced by a mild dose of workaholism, MAJOR overspending, and a never ending search for the man who never existed (looking for Mister Perfect).

The bottom line is that there was always a void, this insatiable appetite inside of me, and it was trying to destroy me. More, More, MORE! You need MORE!!

Skip to Part Four

Well, this is taking longer than I thought. That’s journaling for you! I wish I could say, point blank… here’s how I WAS, here’s how God changed me, and here’s how I am NOW. It’s just not that simple. And… this is my journaling process. What I’m learning, as I write, is that life took me places, and God was always nudging me in other directions, redirecting my steps at times, whether I acknowledged Him or not.

That’s what I’m learning anyway.

Stay encouraged!

Enough writing for one day. It’s time to get outside, and look at the world from behind my lens. 😉

16 thoughts on “Confessions: Part Three

  1. Hi Janet… I just found your blog from Doc Phoebe’s blog party. And I am so glad. I was immediately inspired by your posts, and I’m still browsing through them. I can really relate to what you said about how to write your story. I also want to share mine, but I’m still thinking about which parts to keep to myself and to share.

    Anyway, I really want to nominate you for the Valiant Blogger Award. You truly deserve it.

    Let me know what you think.

    And thank you for being an inspiration to many. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow that blew me away this morning. I am so glad my story inspires you. The award is a real honor. 😊 Thank you. I will take a look at your link. Thanks for the encouraging comment. So nice to hear!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sure! No problem. Feel free to go over the 200 words, btw. (Some stories cannot be summarized within those numbers).

        And pass it on to as many people as you want, or even just a single one who you think deserves the recognition for braving out their circumstances now or in the past.

        I look forward to your post because I’m sure it will be as inspiring as the rest of your blog! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can so identify with you on the putting on various personalities, and the part about isolating, that’s many alcoholics’ MO! Boredom was my number one trigger. But years of trying to be someone I wasn’t, covering up smelling like booze from the drinking the night before–I wasn’t a nightly drinker (until I met the EX FROM HELL), but I was always hiding in the shadows. Love your sharing your story.

    Liked by 2 people

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