I thought I’d write a little tonight. I don’t know what else to do with myself, because I made the mistake of having Starbucks at 8:30 p.m.

Note to self: Don’t do that again!

I led the A.A. meeting tonight and am so grateful that I was able to do that. Sharing highlights of my downward spiral brought back memories. Exactly eleven months ago today, I was doing some serious detoxing- in a hospital bed.

Happy eleven months to me!

How I managed to sum up my story in fifteen minutes, I have no idea. I know I talked really fast! I think I only came up for air once or twice during the entire speech.

Anyway, all went well.

I forgot to mention before that after I shared about my fear of succeeding, I was told that this is common among alcoholics. We are not afraid of failing, because we are so used to it! But… success?? Well, that’s another story.

I did manage to pull myself out of that mindset though. I realized something. It’s not success in general that has been holding me back, it’s success as I formerly understood it.

Long story, but I think I summed it up when I talked about my virtual business. I burned myself out! Come to think of it, can you classify that as success?? Realistically, even though I succeeded at putting the idea into action, and kept it going for eight years… alcohol or no alcohol– it was destined to crash.

There was no way that I could have handled the work load much longer, let alone grow the business. And hiring someone didn’t make financial sense because I undercharged! From what I’ve read, that’s not even classified as a business. It’s self-employment. And what they say about THAT is… that you probably have a horrible boss!  (I read that in a book when I was on the verge of burn out, and trying to stay afloat)

All that being said, the way I’m seeing it now is that pursuing my passions (writing and photography) is a totally different ballgame. It’s all about the journey now. I’ll be doing something that I’m passionate about, so I really can’t lose.

That’s how I’m looking at it.

So… no more fear!

As for the photo, it’s a tree in a nearby canyon- with a little liquid appearance? I don’t know. I’ve worn myself out now, and the coffee is finally wearing off… 🙂

Goodnight all. Peace and Love!!

11 thoughts on “Refocusing

  1. Are you in a position to give to others who are struggling with your same struggles? Just when I think I can’t handle another thing- that “very thing” helps to see me through. Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am, which is why I led the A.A. meeting. Is that what you mean? I’m at a point where sharing at meetings is ‘exactly’ what I need. I have no desire to drink, so obviously something is working on that end. I’m definitely not overwhelmed with things to do either. Almost TOO much time on my hands some days.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Almost too much time.” Quite a few people could use your bright and holy light. 🙂 We all feel we have no time- the fact is: we have, we just don’t chose to. Sad. The world will show what we have chosen.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha ha, I lead a 10 PM Saturday meeting and often make the mistake of taking a dose of caffeine. So then what? Read, write, meditate. I guess too, that we do have to condense our story to some highlights as far as what it was like. My story now has nearly as much what it is like now as what it was like and I’m forgetting much of it. Certain events and seasons affect what I remember, it’s all there, it is just a matter of what surfaces, with a given trigger. Thanks for sharing, keep coming back. JW

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It does help very much to hear gory details cause I need to be reminded that’s part of the beauty of how sharing can help no matter what you think of it, I try to pray that the message of recovery reaches those that need to hear it. You may not have even said what someone heard or picked up on 🤓

        Liked by 1 person

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