Today my featured image is Locked Out.
That kind of describes how I’ve been feeling the past couple of days, although I’m not sure if the correct phrase is locked out, or locked in.
I truly feel it’s because of the weather, and the fact that my last photo excursion led me to this place (the L.A. River) again, and there was nothing beautiful to look at. Sometimes I even feel sorry for the birds there because the water flowing through there is… well… not pretty.
It seems that since I made the decision to leave the real estate world behind, and chase after what felt like some kind of artistic calling, the gates slammed shut. I know it’s all in my head- but the feeling is there, nonetheless.
Sometimes I think that “making a decision” is a trap. I do much better when I just go with the flow, but then again… that also led me to many dead ends.
The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to end up back in the middle of the rat race. I ran that race so hard, and for so long, that I’ve worn holes in my feet. So now I’m trying to find a way to survive (make a living), and not lose my zest for life in the process.
My state of mind truly is that of awe and gratitude, for how far I’ve come… so I hope that this is the last post I write that contains tidbits of negativity. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.
I was thinking this morning that, no matter what my mood is lately, the one truth is that I do NOT crave alcohol anymore. That alone is enough to call every day a success. So, that being said, today I’m not going to think about any of these things.
No plans, no decisions, no expectations, and no feeling locked in, or locked out.
I look forward to seeing what comes naturally today, and I’m going to give thanks all day for my ongoing sobriety. 14 more days until my one year mark!!
Blessings- Love you all. 🙂