Today was a really good day.
Although I don’t like to write posts that aren’t uplifting, or bursting with joy, I have to say that yesterday it proved to be helpful. For me anyway.
Something in a comment got me thinking about my reluctance to make decisions. He mentioned that some people actually preferred having someone else make the choice… then if (or when) things turn out badly, there is someone else to blame (Thanks Great to Good).
When I read that, I knew instantly that it applied to me- in a certain area. WORK. Of all things. No wonder I’ve been struggling with taking the next step.
In all the years that I worked for the broker, I was the right hand man. I’ve always thought of it as being the one that got stuck doing everything. You know… being overworked and underpaid, and always feeling slighted- that someone else is getting the credit for all of your efforts. But the reality of it is that I hid behind him.
I had the choice to go out and do it on my own, but I opted for what was safe, comfortable, and secure. I knew that if anything went wrong… it fell on him. He was my safety net.
And then I took my experience, my bruised ego, and my resentments… ran off to Phoenix and started my virtual business. And where did I take that? Behind the scenes again. And not for one broker- but for MANY. More work, less money. A little proof that resentment is not the proper fuel to be used when starting a business. 😉
Anyway, long story short… my work has always involved doing tasks for someone else- who is making the decisions, and taking the hit if things go south. It all really boils down to FEAR.
These days it’s getting easier and easier for me to realize all of the ways that fear has manipulated me, and yanked me around most of my life. I think I’ve already won half the battle right there. The rest is easy.
As Rebecca said… God opened the door to sobriety, and He will open another door, the right door, when it’s time. I just need to trust. (Thanks Rebecca!)
So, today was peaceful. Beautiful weather, the camera got out, did some thrift store shopping, and picked up a few library books to read…
Life is good, God is great, and I’ve got my glow back.