Confession: When I titled the series Confessions of a Chameleon, I was not fully aware of what a Chameleon really was. And I’m not talking about the lizard. I know the lizard, which- in reality– is all that came to mind when I was deciding on the name.
After publishing the first segment, something urged me to google it. Intuition? A divine coincidence? God? I’d say all of the above. I was surprised to find out that the Chameleon also refers to a borderline personality disorder. And in reading about the disorder, I have to say that I had a few of those Uh-Oh moments. Kind of like an Aha moment, but not quite as exhilarating. 😉
Anyway… I was not referring to the B.P.D. when I came up with the title to my series.
Lastly… when I talk about “conforming” in an effort to “fit in”, I’m referring to a subconscious and subtle transformation, that took place over the course of a lifetime- not premeditated acts of deception.
Anyway, it took finding (and looking to) God for me to finally realize and understand the errors of my ways- become and stay sober, and gain the strength and confidence to re-learn how to live… and become ME. The me that He created me to be, that is.
Don’t ask me why I felt the need to add these little disclaimers or side notes, it just felt like the right thing to do.
So… the pair of shoes and my story Unteach Me are moving to the sidebar, and will be replaced with this series. For awhile. Is my story over? Never. The journey goes on…
Life is good, and God is great!
Confessions of a Chameleon
Part One: “I didn’t believe in God, so I never really feared going to hell… but then again, I didn’t need to. Hell had made its way to earth and was coming for ME.”
Part Two: “I was a shy and quiet girl, from a perfectly normal family, who JUST wanted to fit in and be liked.”
Part Three: “I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity.”
Part Four: “Left to my own devices- I will overdue things to the point of self-destruction, sickness, or far worse- Death.”
Part Five: “Hands sweating, heart racing, vision slightly blurred and my mind in a fog (but sober!), I put my foot on the gas, and held on tight to the wheel.”
Part Six: “If the hole was round, this square peg would become ROUND, dammit, because I was going to fit!”
Part Seven: “I needed to replace my unhealthy addiction of chasing love (the wrong kind), for the sake of my sanity and my recovery, and now I’ve finally found perfect and healthy substitutes!”
Part Eight: “…it was like the weight of the world, that had somehow taken up residency on my shoulders, was magically dissolving… and drifting away… like little musical notes… floating up to the heavens.”