I found the words this morning! So, I am going to go with it, with very little editing… so I hope this all makes sense.
I guess the coolest thing I’ve found about studying the word trust is that it keeps leading me to new words.
This morning the word was REST.
First of all… here is what I’ve learned about what it means to “trust” God…
He is a place of refuge, and (in) Him we are surrounded by His protection and embraced by His compassion. Trusting Him means: to lean on Him, to rely on Him, to hold onto Him, to flee to Him for protection, to stay, to hope, to expect, to be patient, and to linger in expectation… and wait.
It also has a lot to do with being on the inside. Examples are:
to be firm (in), to confide (in), to have confidence (in), to be secure (in), to seek refuge (in), to feel safe (in), to have assurance (in), to abide (in) and to find rest (in).
This morning finding rest in Him was what I decided to focus on because it relates to surrender…
My struggles with surrender have very LITTLE to do with “lack of trust” in God, but have everything to do with what I am accustomed to; which is ME being in charge.
That’s my former way of life.
I spent DECADES as an unbeliever, so the fact of the matter is… I spent decades trying to play God. I was seated on the throne, and I remained there until my imaginary kingdom was in ruins, and I was as close as I ever want to be to… death from alcohol.
Anyway, I feel really good right now because I know it just takes time.
When I call myself an alcoholic it feels really weird. I don’t drink anymore, nor do I have any desire to. But… as they say… alcoholism is but a symptom. In truth, alcohol is just ONE of things that I’ve been addicted to, chased, followed or even worshiped. False gods.
My life was FULL of them; Alcohol, drugs, money, success, shopping, and the love of a man… to name a few.
I won’t say that I sat on this imaginary throne feeling all-powerful, because I had very LITTLE power. I just didn’t know any better.
I lived a life run by self-will, and I sought anything and everything that I thought would fill that huge void, make me happy, and fix my life.
Page 62 of the A.A. big book states “…the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot” and that is truer and true. I ran rampant!
Not until I had no other options… and was completely and utterly hopeless, did I look to God. But, He did exactly what He promises to do. He was there for me, and He led me out of that dark pit. Even after decades of rebellion.
So… what does this have to do with today? Well… what I discovered recently was that although I have great passion for writing and photography, those are “extras”. They are His blessings, and I cannot REST in those things, nor can I look to them to be the source of my happiness and security.
This is something that I was feeling inside, so it might not be so obvious to anyone else. But the fact of the matter is, what is happening inside of us is THE most important thing.
I began pursuing something and… without really realizing it… I was leaving God behind. I put something else FIRST. I ended up feeling irritable, confused, a little lost… and depressed. I knew something was wrong. Everything was bugging me. My camera was not good enough. I couldn’t find the right things to take pictures of, I was tired of trees and birds, yada yada yada. That’s one reason I was so happy to go to my sister’s house for a week. I needed to regroup.
Anyway… I realized what was wrong, admitted my problem, took a U-turn, and there He was. Waiting for me to return so that He could shower me with His love and surround me with His grace. How sweet is that?!
Everything is just as it should be today. And I came across a great quote that I want to keep close to me from here on out:
Everywhere the King is King, there is the Kingdom.
That’s so easy to remember, and a great reminder for me to stay OFF of that throne.
I need to surrender daily, and simply allow the King to be King. In HIS kingdom is where I am content, loved and full of joy…
…and it is where I find my REST.
Today is a good day, and God is GREAT!!!
Success is not what I’ve done compared with what others have done. Success is what I’ve done compared with what God has called me to do. -Lecrae Moore, Unashamed
This doesn’t mean I’ve given up on my art. No way!! I’ve just put it back into it’s proper place in my priorities. 🙂