Just think happy thoughts and you’ll fly.Peter Pan
A couple of days ago I set out to write a poem inspired by the Word of the Day Challenge; the word being “dubious.” While wandering around the house, sentences and phrases welled up inside of me, and I sat down numerous times to jot down my thoughts and get them out of my head. As I sifted through memories—thinking of the people I’ve encountered whose intentions were quite dubious—I couldn’t help but feel as though I was drifting to a place that was now off limits.
Struggling to remember the people and events from that particular space in time seemed a bit taboo, and I wondered if I was taking a risk by trying to peer in at it. My life is awesome right now… so, why go back there?! Besides, it’s a very DARK place, and it’s a part of my past that seems so distant now that on occasion I wonder whether it was real or imagined.
Although I was distracted by the simple and mundane task of seeking out words that rhymed (yes, my poems are still childlike rhyming verses similar to those of Dr. Seuss), emotions surfaced and I began to feel heavy, as if some dark and unseen entity was attempting to hold me down and consume the light that now burns inside of me.
I started thinking about all of the things they say about the power of thoughts; wise old proverbs came to mind; and I was reminded of Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Somewhere in the midst of my rumination, I concluded that I needed to walk away from the poem that I’d had in mind. There was no good to come out of it; nothing that would make anyone (myself included) feel any better about anything. Of course, my overthinking kicked in and I wondered if refusing to go back to, think about, and talk (or write) about some of the darker times in my life (yes, believe it or not there are still things I haven’t shared) was something to worry about. Was it safe to pretend that these things never happened? Was it a form of denial?
I wasn’t sure what to do with all of the memories and thoughts that the word dubious had stirred up, and I wondered if my time spent pondering the unwritten poem had been in vain. After stumbling on posts by another blogger, I was reminded of how important it is to deflect negative energy before it seeps in; and how valuable it is to send only positive energy out.
This morning, when looking at today’s word of the day, I was struck with another thought and I felt nothing but happiness. I realized that it wasn’t denial that kept me from looking back into that darkness after all; it was my awareness that in refusing to acknowledge it anymore, I was refusing to give it back the power it had lost. Those pieces of my past are long forgotten; so far gone that they have faded into oblivion…
And that is where they will stay.
Inspired by the Word of the Day Challenge: Oblivion
Oblivion: the state of being completely forgotten / the state of being completely destroyed