Everything seemed brand new before,
Our hearts were filled with laughter,
But time has silenced what we had,
And we’re caught in the morning after.
Honestly, I expected my “write something new every day” resolution to yield happier results. I thought and thought about this feeling that I can’t shake, and tried to come up with ideas for things that might help me snap out of it. I don’t know how it happened, but I finally had the realization that maybe I just have to acknowledge and accept how things are, not how I wish they were… or how they used to be. I started going crazy ordering Christmas presents, and then I realized that I was just trying to buy my way to happiness.
Rather than trying to force myself out of the mood I’ve been in, which feels like a very mild depression (and I have no doubt that it’s from my lack of socialization lately), I decided that it would be fun (and I use that word lightly) to try and practice acceptance. Maybe sometimes I just need to say… yeah, things are a little crappy right now. But I know that this too shall pass.
I know this post is totally out of character for me, but it’s kind of an experiment. And the word for what I feel is not really depression. The only word I can think of is “monotone.” Does that make sense? It’s like life is not full of highs and lows anymore… it’s just one flat line. Does anyone else feel like that? Just curious.
Maybe it’s that long paper I’ve been writing. The words on the screen seem to melt together and I feel like nothing is making sense and my eyes start to hurt. Fortunately, I’ll be finishing the last page tomorrow… almost done with the conclusion. Thank God.
My image is also an experiment. I took a photograph of some roses that I dried a few months ago, and they made me think of love… wilting. The composition is a little off, but I kind of like it. I’m trying to send a message… maybe to myself… that life is never perfect. But it can still be beautiful.
Anyway, that’s about all for now. Task completed. I wrote one thing today and I feel better already.
Much love to you all!