One of my best friends from high school remembers everything. Whenever we talk, she reminisces about our old shenanigans as if they happened yesterday. Things that we did decades ago; things I’ve long since forgotten. Last year, I (briefly) dated a man who reminded me of her. Our conversations were like time travel; we’d always end up in the 70’s or 80’s! Sometimes I wondered why the two of them weren’t dating. They both had this weird connection to the past—as if that past still existed.
This morning I drove into Pasadena. It wasn’t a major excursion, but it was in the opposite direction of where I normally travel and everything was unfamiliar. I wish I had taken my camera. It’s the perfect place for street photography, but it was just TOO hot! I wanted to get in—and get out. I went there to pick up the kit for my drawing class. I’m already enjoying the course. It’s not so much that I’ve learned anything yet (it’s only been two days), or that I even see the possibility of getting really good at it. It’s the fact that I’m putting aside my fear, putting the pencil to the pad, and making an effort.
I love… morning coffee to tinker; a little bit of this and a little bit of that thunder and lightning, especially when I’m enjoying coffee and tinkering the sound of rain on a tin roof rainbows and butterflies the way my body feels after doing something strenuous (rare, but happens) swimming in cool waters when the sky explodes into colors (missing Colorado) road trips—I’ll get out there again, eventually walking on sand the ocean
Something eye opening happened recently. I had been holding off on writing a life-journal update because it seemed there was nothing exciting to share. Eventually I did—in my No News is Good News post—but by the time I sat down to write I was tired. What I failed to mention is that I had one of those aha moments just prior to writing.
The Journey Continues… It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my journal. On the one hand, it means that nothing exciting (or newsworthy) has been going on. On the other hand—and more importantly—the old idiom rings true: No news is good news. Today marks 1,229 days of sobriety… so that’s good news!
I need a little direction right now— First of all, I took this photograph yesterday while riding with my son. I noticed the yellow lines in the mirrors and the Which Way Photo Challenge instantly came to mind. I realize I’ve already used the “rear view mirror” idea, but I had to do it again because I really enjoy how the lines repeat, but they don’t line up. One of the things I love about word and photo challenges is that they provide you with a little direction. The blank canvas isn’t quite so “empty,” because you’ve been given a prompt to draw upon.
Oftentimes I tell the people I meet about my transformation; how much I’ve changed since entering recovery and coming to believe. The way I usually describe it is that all of these changes are internal… they can’t be seen. Well, aside from the fact that you won’t “see” me drinking anymore. Sometimes I refer to it as a “new attitude,” and other times I say that a lot of it has do with “gratitude.” Even so, I still find myself complaining or whining at times (especially when I play softball), but I’m able to recognize my behavior, pull out my tools, and work on fixing the problem. While pondering the word angle—I realized that looking at life, myself, and others from different perspectives is probably one of the KEY factors behind my transformation. My new attitude stems from seeing things from new angles, and the ability to do so keeps me grateful. One of the greatest things I learned in recovery was that I need to look at my own reflection when something is bothering …
Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice. Bob Goff I forgot to include something in my previous post. I was trying to watch my word count, and I left out an important part of the story; which was the reason that I chose to do the visualization of my inner critic in the first place! My friend that asked me to share Saturday night spoke after me, and something he said really stuck with me. About love and acceptance. There’s something that I’ve felt I lacked… you know… that something that was holding me back from being more of service before. I thought perhaps it was the thought that I didn’t know enough, or maybe I didn’t have enough sobriety time, or…. ?? The point is that I’ve never been able to pinpoint what it was that was holding me back. There are two sayings in the program that baffled me, because they are almost conflicting. One is you can’t transmit something you haven’t got… and the second is that you have to give it away to …
My featured image, and something that’s been on my mind the last couple of days is Smoke & Mirrors. I know… it looks like a bird and a cloud. 😉 I took both shots yesterday, separately. The crow was surrounded by the haze above the city, and the cloud was right above where I stood. I pieced them together and did a little liquefy near the corners, so it looks a little like smoke.