OF HOPE
Just hours after I said that I don’t have much to share these days, all kinds of thoughts started churning around. I haven’t even slept well the past two nights because my mind’s been racing! It reminded me of all the times I proclaimed that I was going to do a new image series, and…
Read MoreAwhile back I received a private message from someone about my blog. In the message, they mentioned something about my attachment to religion. Believe it or not, the very first thought I had was: “RELIGION!?! I’m not attached to religion! I have a relationship with God!” I didn’t reply to the message with that thought,…
Read MoreA few things happened today that really moved me, but I’m only going to talk about one for now. Tonight was the meeting that I co-secretary for, and it turned out to be a pretty emotional meeting. There’s something that I’ve been wanting to talk about, but I was never sure if the time was right,…
Read MoreConfessions: Part Eight – The Final Chapter
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Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary The featured image is my grandson and his leaf. So cute! Anyway, I’ve had time to think about my rambling thoughts from last night, about my confinement, and I realized…
Read MoreSo, don’t freak out… but tonight my mood is confined. I guess that’s a mood, no? Today was absolutely weird. This evening I felt kind of burned out on the photography. Second, I haven’t felt like writing because there is either too MUCH on my mind, or nothing at all! I did say I was going to relax,…
Read MoreWe had an interesting topic come up during our meeting last night. The enemy. Cunning, baffling and powerful. I decided that this subject would be a great opener for the final chapter. Why DO we believe negative things about ourselves, and where DO those thoughts come from in the first place? Why do we self-sabotage and…
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I titled my story Unteach Me because I’ve learned throughout the last two years, after finding God, that I’d always been looking at life wrong. Not only did I have a lot to learn, but I had a lot to unlearn. The following was written before I started my blog, so I shared a piece…
Read MoreIt still amazes me that the therapist at the church could say so little, yet so MUCH. In a short amount of time, with very few words, she was able to open my eyes to the fact that I’d been living my life entirely wrong. I just got butterflies when I wrote that! That trip…
Read MoreI’ve been thinking about the gift of belief that I wrote about in part four. I’ve wanted to say, in as few words as possible, how it all came to be. But it’s a lifelong and never ending story. Basically, for me… belief was one of my biggest struggles. I’ve always said that I searched…
Read MorePart Four
Read MoreIf I had to sum up how or why I took the wrong road, I’d say it was because I had no faith or belief in God. To make matters worse, I had no direction, no plans, and no goals. I was a walking, breathing, empty vessel… easily tossed around and swayed by whatever (or whomever) was…
Read MorePAY ATTENTION! I hear those two words a lot. I have a very short attention span. I get lost in thought, so being “present” can be a challenge for me. There’s a little world inside my head, and I need to limit the amount of time I spend there. It’s my private little dwelling space,…
Read MoreI met my sponsor just a few days after my plunge from the puffy pink cloud. God’s timing was perfect. It only took a couple of conversations about my unsettling romantic charades for her to point out that my picker was broken. The more I thought about it, the more I had to laugh. Looking…
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There’s a term pink cloud that refers to a state of mind in early sobriety, characterized by extreme happiness and grandiosity, in spite of problematic conditions. The newly sober person feels high on life because they’re experiencing emotions that were previously numbed by alcohol. Once I read up on the subject, I knew it was time to…
Read MoreNever be afraid to tell your story because there’s somebody who needs to hear it. I have to keep telling myself that. I get those little twangs inside, telling me to just stop—that I’ve already said enough. But, I’m not going to let fear win. When I mentioned taking down the enemy in my last…
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I’m so glad I’m writing again and looking back on my journey. It’s really helping me grow. It’s not fun to recall my crazy blunders, but if I stay focused on the lessons learned, I seem to learn even more. Plus it’s refreshing to see how far I’ve actually come. Last night I started thinking…
Read MoreThey say that maturity is stunted when an alcoholic begins drinking heavily, or that when addiction starts, development stops. For me, that basically meant that I had a lot of growing up to do. My recovery process has involved a lot of stopping to reflect on what is going on inside of me. More importantly,…
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Some people won’t look up to God until He puts them on their back. That point really hits home for me. Agony, sickness and feelings of despair definitely put me on my back. It truly humbled me, and forced me to look up to God. Whenever I quit drinking before, it was merely that. I…
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Our pastor is always saying… “Surrender is THIS way…” as he points ahead, “and everything else is that way,”as he points behind his back. Move towards recovery and spiritual growth, or keep going back to what you’re accustomed to; the things that aren’t healthy. In the fourteen months that I spent going up and down,…
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