Endless Rivers

of Hope

Out(side) of Time

April 4, 2020

Black and White Portrait

This morning I read a ‘daily email’ on the subject of Eternity. One of the definitions is: A state of existence outside of time, and this particular meaning reminded me of something that happened years back—something that’s perfect for today’s Daily Gratitude.

When I was going in and out of sobriety—and making a mess of what little life I had left—one of the things that I had to do was move in with my mother. Things were tough for MANY months. Even though I was staying sober, there was a LOT of friction between the two of us.

I babysat my grandsons for some of those months, and I would often walk the youngest in a stroller while his brother was at school. I remember praying a lot… asking God to remove the character defects that stood in the way of me “being a better daughter;” the selfishness that caused me to act out, the self-pity that made react like a child (because I felt like one for being there) and the bitterness that I felt inside.

On this particular day, I remember feeling frustrated. I pushed the stroller across the bridge (pictured in The Hot Seat) and listened to music as I prayed about it. Stopping on the other side of the bridge, I turned back and looked at the house. I had never really seen our house from that perspective. I’m sure I may have decades ago—when I was a child—but none that I remember.

Anyway, that moment felt like eternity to me; as if I had escaped time. The house looked sad and empty. I knew my mother was inside, but from where I was standing the life—her loving spirit that filled it and made it a home—was missing. It seemed as though I was not seeing, but feeling the future… with my mother gone. All that stood before me was a sad old house.

I had no question it was a sign. A glimpse into what my future could be like if my perspective didn’t change… a life filled with remorse and regret… full of if onlys and what ifs. I’ll never forget that day, and I’m forever grateful for it.

It’s as if… just for a moment… God allowed me to step outside of time.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed today’s Daily Gratitude!

A word about the image here.

This is kind of random, but it’s actually another one of my personalized portraits. The gentleman is a dear friend of mine, and I took the photograph when we were at the beach sometime back. I’ve been wanting to use it and could never quite figure out how. I thought it was perfect for a state of existence outside of time since he seems to be peering in at us—through the glass of a fast moving vehicle.

One of my best friends from high school remembers everything. Whenever we talk, she reminisces about our old shenanigans as if they happened yesterday. Things that we did decades ago; things I’ve long since forgotten. Last year, I (briefly) dated a man who reminded me of her. Our conversations were like time travel; we’d always …

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Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also. Carl Jung —A personal journey through the “K” word. I think the old bumper car is kicking into overdrive. My journey through education is making more and more sense, as the fragments of information—that I’ve learned in various classes—are beginning to connect. The ‘bigger picture’ …

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This Alphabet Game is great because it prompts me to explore words. Words link to other words and—as I follow the trail—ideas literally spell themselves out. I thought it would be fun to share my journey through the letter “J” today. While exploring Joy—the first “J” word that came to mind—I found that one of …

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