All posts tagged: journaling

Gone Fishing

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I was going to say farewell, bon voyage, hasta la vista—but I know myself better than that. It’s likely I’ll post a bit over the next week or two, while I’m getting acclimated. I need to wean myself off slowly, to avoid that weird separation anxiety. I don’t know. That sounds a little neurotic, but it’s how I’m wired. C’est la vie. If I fade away, know that I’ll be back again in a few months (and I’ll be checking in to read other people’s posts (OPP) as time allows. I’ve made some awesome new connections, and I’ve stumbled on two new gems recently. Maybe not new to blogging, but new to me. I wanted to mention them now because they would have been on my list of things I love if I hadn’t had a limited word count. Word-Whelmed Woman has… well… whelmed me with her poetry and kindness (and humor). So far she’s a bit of a mystery, but it appears her “About” page is in the works! KUCHED is SO good with …

the little things

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I love… morning coffee to tinker; a little bit of this and a little bit of that thunder and lightning, especially when I’m enjoying coffee and tinkering the sound of rain on a tin roof rainbows and butterflies the way my body feels after doing something strenuous (rare, but happens) swimming in cool waters when the sky explodes into colors (missing Colorado) road trips—I’ll get out there again, eventually walking on sand the ocean Weekend Writing Prompt: Tinker (in 75 words) & RDP Saturday: Eventually I could go on and on, so I’m glad I used the 75 word prompt! I saw another blogger do this things that I love, and thought it was a great idea. It really was a wonderful exercise in gratitude. I felt so refreshed after thinking about the things that I love. And these are just the little things! I’m recycling an old image here. It’s from way back in the archives; a shot in the backyard after it rained. Those are tiny droplets, and I love them so! Anyway, …

A Haiku of Faith

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The path is twisted, But there’s a cross, in the light, Guiding my footsteps. And an update for the road— My summer break is coming to an end. School starts Monday, and my bag is already packed. It’s been an interesting season, and I’m glad I took the time to refresh and recharge. I started organizing posts recently, updating some of my categories, and I realized something. Stories about my faith have dwindled. I guess a blog is a bit like life; like people. We wander. I’ve been a wanderer since the day I could crawl—both figuratively, and literally. I love to travel, to explore, and to learn new things. Maybe that’s why I love being a student. Every day I learn something new, discover new things, and meet new people. So, where am I in my faith? There’s a quote I found about a year ago, by D.L. Moody, and it really struck me. “A holy life will make the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns, they just shine.” I’ve emphasized the second sentence …

On the Edge

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I think the definition of artist is a bit enigmatic. I’ve never called myself an artist. I’ve said things like “this is some art I created,” or “I love to create art,” but that’s as far as it goes. I think the first explanation that pops into my head is the fact that I don’t use pencils, pens, or even brushes (although that may change after the new semester).

Living the Dream

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Chaotic workday— a scuffle with friends, Five o’clock traffic— the stress never ends, Pressure to do well— fearing failure, too, Stuck in a pattern— afraid of what’s new, Plan for retirement— look forward to rest, Where children once played— is now empty nest, Dating disasters— a marriage from hell, Lack of investments— there’s nothing to sell, No regrets linger— My head’s not for rent, All of these moments— are evanescent, March forward, full steam— toward what is unseen, Faith is eternal— I’m living the dream.

Looking Back

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Looking at your past is not a bad thing. Not to brood over it, but to cherish fond memories; see what you’ve done right (and wrong); and to learn from your past mistakes. When you take it all in and reflect, you figure out what’s worth repeating, what you should do differently next time, and—more importantly—what you should never do again.

Clear Vision

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Something eye opening happened recently. I had been holding off on writing a life-journal update because it seemed there was nothing exciting to share. Eventually I did—in my No News is Good News post—but by the time I sat down to write I was tired. What I failed to mention is that I had one of those aha moments just prior to writing.

No News is Good News

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The Journey Continues… It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my journal. On the one hand, it means that nothing exciting (or newsworthy) has been going on. On the other hand—and more importantly—the old idiom rings true: No news is good news. Today marks 1,229 days of sobriety… so that’s good news!

Yesterday’s News

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What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be. —Author Unknown I’ve been thinking a lot. That’s what happens when I have time on my hands (did I just say that in an earlier post?). What I’ve noticed lately is that—in certain areas—I’m a bit of a control freak. Nothing huge, mind you, just little nagging issues that bother me.

Balance

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Rain taps the window, Inviting us out to play, Childlike dreams return, Cares melt away in each drop, Balance is being restored. —Janet Written for Your Daily Word Prompt: Inviting, & RDP Tuesday: Balance Rain is like macaroni & cheese to me. It’s my comfort weather. The fire goes on, blankets get piled high, and I have an excuse to stay in bed with a good book (guilt free!). A day like that is a great way to restore balance. I wanted to share some exciting news about school. After working as an unpaid graphic design intern for two semesters, I’m going to be official this semester. I will actually get paid for my work!

Helter-Skelter

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The midnight oil is burning. Scribbled words on shreds of notepaper litter the floor beneath my seat. I let out a yelp as the computer warns of pending doom: “Online storage approaching maximum capacity; purchase upgrade for more space!” Perhaps I shouldn’t write tonight. Shuffling through images from my past, I contemplate long and hard about which ones to retain, and which ones to throw out. Some of the photos seem so sad, so grainy. I look beyond the flaws, and into the memories that they bring. Perhaps I should save them all, it’s so hard to let go. Attempting to consolidate only creates more commotion, more chaos… I’ll finish tomorrow. Weekend Writing Prompt #91: Helter-SkelterWord Count: 111 Word of the Day Challenge: Yelp I don’t know if it’s cheating the 111 word count to go on like this, but I’m a rebel anyway so who cares. 🙂 I wanted to say something about my collage. I actually thought about writing a Haiku for this, because it reminded me of how little boys dream… usually …

Go With the Flow

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Late last night, as I pondered what to write about in my next post, the question “what are you trying to accomplish here?” came to mind. I thought about how my blog started—how I wanted to share the story of my recovery, and offer words of “hope” to other people who were still suffering—and then I thought about how the subject matter has twisted, turned, and evolved over time.   I wondered if certain words that I’ve written were (or were not) necessary; whether or not they conveyed anything “positive or uplifting” to the person they might reach, or if they were just “filler.” The bottom line is that I want to write words that matter, and I critique my words harshly… reprimanding myself at times for being hasty; not thinking things through carefully, or failing to do my very best. I think it boils down to two things: impatience and perfectionism. I always feel rushed—like there’s some ‘imaginary’ deadline I have to meet—so I zig zag around to get things done at warp speed …

Dreams in the Mist

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I don’t know if anyone else ever falls into this trap, but I constantly find myself trying to turn my dreams—or the things I love—into some kind of product, as if they’re things I need to own. It’s like the person who loves to swim, who’ll never be satisfied until their backyard has a pool… or the occasional fisherman who believes he’ll find ultimate happiness ONLY after he buys a boat. And you know what they say: “The happiest days of a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat—and the day they sell the boat.” Well, all of my hemming and hawing over my college major came to a wonderful close recently when I considered these analogies. I realized that I’ve been too fixated on the road… or the tangible outcomes (degrees)… and somewhere in the interim I lost sight of my dreams; the things I actually LOVE to do—just for the sake of doing them. I made a decision to venture off the pathway this spring; I’ve enrolled in Creative Writing …

Magical Makeovers

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—A Page in My Journal My best friend went to cosmetology school when she was eighteen, and I was the brave subject of her very first “perm.” It looked pretty BAD, but eventually my hair grew out. Over the years that followed (or decades I should say), she became the extremely talented hairdresser that she is today. For many of those years, although she did exactly what I had asked her to do, I’d come away from her shop feeling slightly disappointed. Sometimes I wondered if it was just MY hair that never seemed to come out “just like” the pictures that I would bring her. I don’t know why it took her so many years to say it; but finally one day when we were discussing my dissatisfaction, she said that sometimes people come in believing that their new color or cut will make them look just like “the woman” in the photographs that they bring in, but that just isn’t the case. And it certainly isn’t a reality. All I can say is …

Playing the Game

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Well, I never made it outside yesterday (Boooo). Honestly… it is freaking COLD here! Not as cold as so many places, but in California these recent “extremes” are quite shocking to some of us natives. Anyway, even though I made a silent vow to stay away from my archived photographs, this morning I remembered some images I took at the park some time ago, and this one seemed perfect for today’s thoughts. Par for the course, I played around in Photoshop to make it appear a little “dreamy.” I couldn’t help but wonder if this young boy was dreaming a little himself at that moment; feeling hopeful about his future in baseball. I don’t know if I mentioned it before… but this past summer I played coed slow-pitch softball. I’ve now joined a winter league, and this weekend is our first practice game. A friend of mine—who has never played before—has also signed up, and this past Sunday the two of us went to the batting cages. After showing her how to hold the bat, …

A Better Me

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It’s always exciting to see a new year approaching, and the word goal really got me thinking today. Not about my goals for the year ahead, but about the goals I’ve already set—over the last couple of years—and how they have helped change, or shape me, in ways I never expected. In all honesty, sometimes I have NO idea where this journey is taking me. When I made the decision to go to college, I was SURE that Graphic Design was the path that was meant for me. When I decided to alter my course, and major in Psychology, it felt “perfectly natural.” And now—while I’m figuring out how to work English into the equation—I can’t help but wonder: “Will I ever get this right?”

Unshakable

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I used to feel invisible, and I was empty inside. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me though, as I was beautifully bedecked with many embellishments. Coolness was probably the first (and the cheapest) ornament that I picked up, and it stuck to me no matter what I did. Of all of the decorations that I collected through the years, coolness was also probably the most vocal. “Be cool,” it would whisper, “just act like you don’t care.” Shortly thereafter, I found the spirit (the liquid kind), and I discovered that consuming that spirit brought about all kinds of shiny garlands. My penetrating fears were veiled by courage, and in time I acquired pride as well. Courage came and went freely, but a healthy dose of the spirit usually prompted it to run back home, and sit boldly on its wobbly throne. Pride, on the other hand, attached itself firmly. If the spirit was low, or courage seemed to be lost, pride would encourage arrogance, or feed on other things to help it grow. …

Mindful

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Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.  Thích Nhất Hạnh After last night’s post, I decided to commit to black and whites for a while. I mentioned that I wasn’t sure why I haven’t done more—since I love them so much—but after working on the image that I’ve featured here, it all came back to me; they aren’t easy to do, and they can be pretty tricky. Actually, I think that’s exactly what was needed right now; something to challenge me a little and push me to learn.

Finding Harmony

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I think winter break is starting to take its toll on me, and I’ve only been out of school for a week now! I’m not quite sure what to do with myself some days—I find myself overthinking a lot—and lately I’ve been questioning my decision to major in psychology.   Fortunately, I’ve been visiting my sister the last few days, and being away from my ‘normal’ surroundings has given me much needed stillness and some peace of mind.

Transparency

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This is my take on another photograph from my recent trip to the zoo. It was actually a moving light that shone on the concrete walkway to form what I believe is a rose, or some other type of flower. I used a paint effect to accentuate the lines a little. It’s not one of my favorites, but I thought it went really well with the Word of the Day challenge, the word being kinky; as in “having kinks or twists.”

Happy Thoughts

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Just think happy thoughts and you’ll fly.  Peter Pan A couple of days ago I set out to write a poem inspired by the Word of the Day Challenge; the word being “dubious.” While wandering around the house, sentences and phrases welled up inside of me, and I sat down numerous times to jot down my thoughts and get them out of my head. As I sifted through memories—thinking of the people I’ve encountered whose intentions were quite dubious—I couldn’t help but feel as though I was drifting to a place that was now off limits. Struggling to remember the people and events from that particular space in time seemed a bit taboo, and I wondered if I was taking a risk by trying to peer in at it. My life is awesome right now… so, why go back there?! Besides, it’s a very DARK place, and it’s a part of my past that seems so distant now that on occasion I wonder whether it was real or imagined.

A Song in my Soul

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What I have in my heart and soul — must find a way out. That’s the reason for music. Ludwig van Beethoven Today has been such a good day! It felt like there was a little celebration going on inside of my soul, and I wanted to burst out in song! Believe it or not, I actually wrote that before I found the Beethoven quote. How perfect is that?! I mentioned before that I was done apologizing or explaining what went wrong with my images, but I have to be honest and say that this design wasn’t exactly what I envisioned. I love the rust tones though, so I decided that it was time to call it finished. It’s funny, sometimes when people ask me what my favorite color is, I wonder if they think it’s strange when I tell them rust, or brown. I just love those earthy shades! I used some clouds and an old moon shot to start it out because today I was able to withdraw from my Biology class (which was …

Upside Down

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Sometimes you have to let life turn you upside down so you can learn how to live right side up. I’ve been having some weird feelings lately. I think I’d call it “lack of joy,” but at the same time I keep reminding myself to stay grateful. What I’m REALLY grateful for is the fact that I have the wherewithal to remind myself of that! What I’ve been catching myself doing a lot lately is living everywhere but in the present, and I realized today that this is the reason my joy has slipped away. Believe it or not, I still have eleven weeks left in this semester and I’ve spent hours—if not days—trying to plan my schedule for spring. I even met with someone at the university I’ll be transferring to next year so that I could start planning ahead for those classes too! I know it’s smart to have goals and plan ahead, that’s not the issue. For me, the problem occurs when—in making those plans—I lose sight of where I am right …

Dream Chasers

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A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. Colin Powell In visiting some images from my past, I stumbled on this photograph I took of some of my friends taking surf lessons. I thought it was a good representation of my thoughts lately; about hard work and determination. One of our math assignments last week was to read an article by Carol S. Dweck—the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University—about fixed mindsets vs. growth mindsets. What’s interesting is that in doing so, I learned a little something about myself. A person with a fixed mindset believes that intelligence levels, talents, and abilities are fixed, that we inherently have what we have (basically what we are fortunate enough to be born with), and that’s it. A person with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believes that intelligence levels, talents, and abilities can be cultivated through effort and education; they are potentials that can be realized through learning and practice. I’ve always had a tendency to …

A Respite

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Over the past two days I’ve been going through the first year of posts on my blog, reorganizing information, and fixing things that were out of whack. Although the old stuff doesn’t get looked at much, or maybe even at all, I still feel better. It’s sort of like moving your couch to vacuum behind it. Nobody knows, but YOU. Yet it’s still gratifying. Regardless, I’ve made a pact with myself that changing themes will no longer be allowed beyond this point; too much tweaking can be required. Anyway, I shot this image in photography class and it made me think of “respite.” It seemed perfect for the moment, as I’m taking a little respite myself right now. After forty-eight hours of working on the blog, I’m barely into 2017 and it appears that I may have posted at least once per day for the entire year! At first I was a little upset with myself, thinking about how carried away I had gotten, but I quickly realized that during that time I was living sober …

The Next Chapter

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Just hours after I said that I don’t have much to share these days, all kinds of thoughts started churning around. I haven’t even slept well the past two nights because my mind’s been racing! It reminded me of all the times I proclaimed that I was going to do a new image series, and then the whole idea would just fizzle out. I can never seem to stick with a plan! This time it worked for my benefit though… sort of reverse psychology, I guess. I was going through my files yesterday, doing a little housecleaning, and I came across one of my old posts; back when I first started the blog. It was such a great reminder to me, and the timing was perfect! When my friend Gil first encouraged me to write, and to share my story with others, it was the first time in SO long that I felt my life had purpose. I not only had my sobriety, I had this HOPE that I could share with others. I think …

A Handful of Dew

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We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop were not there, I think the ocean would be less by that missing drop. Mother Teresa Greetings Everyone! It’s been a couple of months since I opened up any of my Adobe programs, so I thought I would give it a shot today and see if the right side of my brain still works. I took this photo of an orange and dew drop when I was in my photography class, so today I added the hand and used scale and some paint effects to make it look larger than life. I thought it was fun. My second year of school starts in two weeks, and once that’s finished I’ll be just one class shy of earning my Associates Degree in Psychology, so this time next year I should be finishing up and planning for my graduation and University transfer. I’ve been contemplating what I want to do with my blog these days. I seem to …

Looking Up

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There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man. -Aristotle It feels like forever since I’ve posted, or read other blogs. I’m still learning how to monitor my time with everything. I was looking for a quote about webs, but I saw this one by Aristotle today and thought it was perfect. I actually found it when I was doing one of those right brain/left brain tests. FYI: It appears that my right brain is dominate, but I think I already knew that! And with all of the studying I’ve been doing, I’m wondering if a corner of my mind might look like that web. Information overload! 😉 Anyway, I took this photograph today. It’s our Japanese Maple. I’m actually not a big fan of spider webs, but I got caught up in the way the sunlight was hitting it. So… I thought I would share. Happy Hump day to you all. I hope you are having a happy and blessed week!

A Moment in Time

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“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” – C.S. Lewis Last night I viewed my previous image via my cellphone, and I felt a little knot in my stomach. It barely resembled the piece that I had looked at on my computer. I can’t be certain, but I’m thinking that creating images that reflect our mood for the moment might be a bit risky. 😉 Anyway, I wanted to counteract that crazy color scheme this morning… with something simple, calm and serene. A dreamy view of the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Monica Pier. Also… about the going back to school… I don’t want to get ahead of myself (yet again), but I can tell you that when I decided that it was something I wanted to do, I had NO question about it. It was like one of those Aha moments, when you just KNOW that it’s the right place, and the right time. Truth be told, I have …

A Lavender Glow

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We are one leaf on the great human tree. Pablo Neruda I’ve given a fresh look to an old image, just for the fun of it. I love the dreamy glow in the leaves. I really don’t have much to share today. Everything is wonderful and there are lots of things in the works… but I am learning to wait until it’s time before I talk about things. There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people. Vincent van Gogh Saturday a dear friend who lives out of state is flying in, and she and I will be hitting the beach, and doing some hiking (I can already feel my calves getting sore!). So… if all goes as planned I will have some exciting new photographs to share. That’s about all for now. Life is good and God is great!!

Love, Fear & Courage

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There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. -John Lennon  Well… it seems that my study of the word trust kind of fizzled out. I knew a whole year on one word was not my cup of tea! 😉 Regardless, even a week (or a month) spent on studying a word is something I would recommend. It seems to work better as an evolving process for me. I move from one word to the next, as I learn and discover things. Lately love, fear and courage are words that keep coming up. I’m learning so much about self-love, which these days I would have to call acceptance. It’s not about my past, or …

A Supernatural Glow

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This is a bizarre piece. Doo do do do… (the theme from Twilight Zone- slightly off key) Another shot of the neighborhood squirrel hanging out in the loquat tree. I layered it with a piece of metal and got attached to the bluish glow he is now nestled in. I guess I’m going for the alien looking animal images this week! Anyway… I didn’t get the job today. Long story, but I opened up too much about myself (and my personal life). I guess I’m too used to telling it like it is these days!! 😉 Like I told Gil, I think I lack a filter sometimes. That’s alright. It wasn’t the perfect job for me after all. I’m grateful that I was able to go through that interview process… because I can use the practice (obviously!). And as long as I am putting forth my best effort I don’t have a cloud of guilt hanging over my head reminding me that I’m not even trying. Because I am. So… we will see what the next interview brings. In …

Strut Your Stuff

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I want to live in a world where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned.  I failed to mention that while I was busy babysitting the pugs, I also had to keep an eye on three chickens. It appears that I live in a world of threes! Anyway, I just wanted to share this one. I have more images- probably even better ones, but I really liked the fact that you can see her strutting. And she is beautiful! Peace and Love….   ACTION: Any Change Toward Improving Ones Nature.

Painting the Sky

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The sky grew darker, painted blue on blue, one stroke at a time, into deeper and deeper shades of night. Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance I’ve been dog sitting since Friday and hope to share some interesting images later in the week. I brought my camera… but forgot the USB cable! That’s OK. It forced me to stay off of the computer all weekend, and I needed that. And I had a relaxing movie marathon! And I sit here still… surrounded by three adorable, snoring pugs. I decided to work on one image this evening and I found another archive taken from from a moving car. After some coloring and some obvious artwork… there you have it. A Painted Sky.  My interview Thursday went well and it’s possible they’ve matched me to a part time position that sounds perfect for me. I’ll know more this week. And I’m enrolling in a Writer’s Workshop that starts in June! I’m SUPER excited! Peace & Love!

Love & Acceptance

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Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice. Bob Goff I forgot to include something in my previous post. I was trying to watch my word count, and I left out an important part of the story; which was the reason that I chose to do the visualization of my inner critic in the first place! My friend that asked me to share Saturday night spoke after me, and something he said really stuck with me. About love and acceptance. There’s something that I’ve felt I lacked… you know… that something that was holding me back from being more of service before. I thought perhaps it was the thought that I didn’t know enough, or maybe I didn’t have enough sobriety time, or…. ?? The point is that I’ve never been able to pinpoint what it was that was holding me back. There are two sayings in the program that baffled me, because they are almost conflicting. One is you can’t transmit something you haven’t got… and the second is that you have to give it away to …

Easy Does It

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Perfectionism is man’s ultimate illusion. It simply doesn’t exist in the universe… If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do. David Burns, MD. I read that quote in a book I am reading about writing. The key, they say… is JUST write. Don’t think about being perfect. I love that thought. Wanting to write “perfectly” stops me in my tracks every single time. I wanted to share that quote before I headed out the door. The image is a beach in south Texas. It looks pretty inviting right now.  I have some other great quotes and information I want to share… and will do that as soon as I can. Peace and Love— Janet Perfectionism leads to paralysis, which leads to procrastination. Ain’t that the truth!!

Painted Sunset

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I mentioned before that I felt I was entering a new season, and… well… I believe that it’s here! This seems to be a season of learning for me. That being said, you’ll probably hear from me a little less often, simply because it means talking (or writing) less and listening (or reading) more. Funny thing about saying I’ll be writing less. I actually plan to write MORE, but less on the blog and more in my private journal and some short story projects. As interesting things come up, I will definitely share… but I want to focus on completing projects before I write about them. I seem to be one of those people that halts action once I share the steps I plan to take. It’s like I jinx myself! As a precautionary measure, I’m keeping things to myself until I actually finish the tasks I want to complete. I’ve learned some fascinating things about Introverts. I picked up another book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. …

Another Life Boat

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Fish Out of Water! That heading is from a book that I’m reading and I just HAVE to share about it. Yesterday was a really tough day. I met with my sponsor and we talked about my re-entry into the business world. At some point in the conversation I felt overwhelmed and started to cry. Every time I talk (or think) about this upcoming job search, this crazy fear comes out in me. Fear of mental exhaustion is what I’ve been calling it. I haven’t felt ready to go back to ANYTHING full-time, at ALL. Not right now anyway. After our meeting I felt a bit beaten, sad… and VERY tired. I felt myself sinking into a depression, BUT… I held on and did what she had suggested. I reviewed my resentments (which happen to pertain to some old business relationships), and my character defects… and read some of the A.A. prayers. One of those prayers is asking God to remove the defects that are standing in the way of my usefulness.  One thing that’s been bothering me …

Feeling Funky

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I wanted to do something colorful tonight, so here you have it! Writer’s block has been preventing me from writing much of anything about my study of the word TRUST. Every single time I’ve tried! So weird! Anyway… I’m surrendering on the production of that post. At least until the words come streaming in. And I trust that they will. In time. I WILL share something beautiful that I found though! What I’ve been searching around for are the various meanings of the Hebrew and Greek words that are translated to the English word trust in the Bible- and I took this from one of my many finds. Trust has to do with being surrounded and protected in His mercy. Trust is to distinguish that He is good, and to be wrapped and swaddled in the goodness of His everlasting arms.  You can’t beat that. Who doesn’t love to be wrapped and swaddled in God’s everlasting arms?!? Anyway, things are going great! I’ve been going to more meetings, reading a lot, and really feeling at peace. I’ve got a couple of people keeping their eyes …

Queen of Hearts

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I shot this image earlier and was prepared to post a blue leaf version, but I did another overlay and really liked the natural and subtle tones in this one. Maybe because I am very tired today. My experience on the panel last night went well. BUT… somehow I ended up going last and had about 7 minutes to tell my tale. Needless to say, I had to skip through half the story and get to the good stuff fast! Maybe that’s a good thing! Anyway, we went out afterwards and I didn’t get home until midnight, after a couple cups of coffee. So… my sleep was a bit disturbed. I’ll tell you one thing. I found out that getting in that rut where I forget to be grateful is easily remedied by doing things like the panels. Seeing the tired and sad faces in the crowd made me both grateful for where I am today and eager to share my HOPE with them. I hit a new level of gratitude, for sure. That’s about all for …

A Healthy Brunch

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I’m really liking the action around here today! This is the squirrel that chased the parrots away; munching on a loquat. I guess nature is dictating what I’ll be taking photographs of this season! I’ve added some fun color and the squirrel is a bit hidden (like his henchman) behind a leaf, so I did a zoom in below, for clarity. I was able to capture him “mid-bite”, which was pretty exciting. I guess I’ll be spending more time in the backyard today, so who knows what (or Who) else will show up. I did see a lizard earlier! And I sure wish I liked the taste of those loquats but I have to say that I don’t find them tasty, at ALL. Tonight I’ll be on that panel, at a recovery center nearby, so I’m trying to keep my day stress free. I want to be calm and at peace when I show up… so that my sharing comes with ease. I have a tendency to ramble! May God give me the words that are needed! …

Scrolling Up

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I’ve had an unusually hard time finding interesting things to photograph, so I’m sticking with my plan to try new and different ways to edit and display them. In case it’s not clear, this is a tree framed on a scroll.  (it’s hard to know how it’ll look on various devices!) I’m also going to spend more time on ONE image.  I’m always pointing out what I could have done differently… so from now on I’m doing things slower, and hope to make those changes first– then post. I’m aiming for improvement now, rather than speed. (which is a real feat for this speed demon!) In other news… and speaking of being slow… I’ve been in no rush to update my other blog because I’m really thinking things through. Being young in both recovery and my walk with God, I’m finding more and more that I still have ample work to do. Nourishing my soul and allowing my roots to grow deeper, for starters. My relationship with God MUST come first, before anything. So I’m spending more time with …

Are You in There?

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Sometimes I look in the mirror and say… “where did my personality go?!?”  Well… maybe I don’t look in the mirror and say it, but I DO wonder what’s up with me lately. And I don’t mean it in a horrible, sad, woe is me way either. It’s just that I get to the point (now and then) when I realize it’s been WAY too long since I’ve had a good laugh. I still chuckle, but I don’t LOL like I used to. I had a dream last night that I was drinking. How bizarre is that?!?! It was weird! I don’t even think about drinking, at ALL, so I have NO idea where it came from. I hope it’s not because I’m back in the A.A. circuit and listening to all that talk about alcohol… absorbing some kind of subliminal messages or something? The meetings really ARE going well though. Also, I’m emailing my sponsor my resume and we’re going to work on finding me a part time job. Finally. I haven’t given up on the photography and …

Trust

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Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Well… I’m starting something new! I’m making my way back into A.A. meetings, and still very passionate about writing, photography and art- but I’m adding on to my activities. I need variety and more balance in my life. 

The Light Ahead

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Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you. Eckhart Tolle Warning: Reconstruction Ahead Sometimes I wonder if [some of] my posts need a warning label or disclaimer, just to alleviate my own anxieties. Sharing pieces of my journey, while I am in the midst of the journey, sometimes leaves me feeling vulnerable and uneasy- because I know from experience that it’s a work in progress (and subject to change). The word Journey suggests travel or passage from one place to another. With that in mind, the truest and most accurate disclaimer I could ever add would be… I have NOT reached my destination. But I think everyone already knows that. None of us has. Anyway… I really liked the quote I found because I need to hold tight, and be at ease with the fact that sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong, and sometimes… I just don’t know. It’s ALL just a part of the journey. Write or Wrong. Blessings, peace and love!!! *The image is from Phoenix. It’s an ominous …

Walking My Walk

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So… I guess this would be the portion of my blog where I share about my walk, and where I’m at; the My Journey section. Maybe I over-complicated the whole thing by trying to explain it. I do that sometimes. In time it will all make sense. The main thing I want to do is properly categorize. I hope to organize this “hodgepodge of a blog” and it ain’t easy. Eventually I will nail it. I emailed my sponsor about my decision to dive back into A.A. and to start making myself more available to be of service (which I guess you could call re-committing). I just love her! Her reply was right on point… “We can preach a better sermon with our lives than our mouths.” One thing I failed to mention in my last post is that ALL of the meetings I’ve been attending these past six months are not your typical A.A. meetings. That information probably helps to make sense of my thoughts. Monday night recovery is actually a class at my church, and it’s taught by our …

A Bit of Humility?

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Awhile back I received a private message from someone about my blog. In the message, they mentioned something about my attachment to religion. Believe it or not, the very first thought I had was: “RELIGION!?! I’m not attached to religion! I have a relationship with God!” I didn’t reply to the message with that thought, but it’s exactly what came to mind. Where on earth does my blog say that I am attached to religion? If you were to review my posts all the way back to day one, I would bet a dollar that you would rarely- if ever– find the word religion. Not that I intentionally omit it, mind you, it’s just a word that I don’t use very often. Or even think of really. So… today is actually the perfect day for this post. It is the seven month anniversary of my baptism. Alright, so maybe THAT sounds religious. Anyway, my point is that today is a good day to share what I’ve been learning this past week- which will also explain more …

The Confession Series

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Part One: I didn’t believe in God, so I never really feared going to hell… but then again, I didn’t need to. Hell had made its way to earth and was coming for ME. Part Two: I was a shy and quiet girl, from a perfectly normal family, who JUST wanted to fit in and be liked. Part Three: I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity. Part Four: Left to my own devices- I will overdue things to the point of self-destruction, sickness, or far worse- Death. Part Five: Hands sweating, heart racing, vision slightly blurred and my mind in a fog (but sober!), I put my foot on the gas, and held on tight to the wheel. Part Six: If the hole was round, this square peg would become ROUND, dammit, because I was going to fit! Part Seven: I needed to replace my unhealthy addiction of …

Awkward Growth

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“The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, struggle to reach the light.”  -Sandra Kring I’m not quite sure why I’ve been leaning towards pink and purple lately. I think it’s because I’ve been feeling hurt and angry, and I wanted to calm myself. I think my images express my thoughts and moods even more than I realized. Maybe backwards though, because they tend to project what I want to feel, rather than what I do feel. I can live with that. 😉 Anyway, I shot this on my last visit to the old zoo. What’s interesting about the tree is that it’s growing somewhat sideways (and no… I didn’t tilt the camera). So… it works as a pretty good featured image for my weekend thoughts… about Growth. I’ve already mentioned that I had some weird experiences last week. What’s funny is that I really was sent into a mini tail-spin for a day (or two)… BUT, I’m kind of excited now because I discovered that it was really just an opportunity for growth. Pushing through the …

Smoke and Mirrors

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My featured image, and something that’s been on my mind the last couple of days is Smoke & Mirrors. I know… it looks like a bird and a cloud. 😉 I took both shots yesterday, separately. The crow was surrounded by the haze above the city, and the cloud was right above where I stood. I pieced them together and did a little liquefy near the corners, so it looks a little like smoke.

A Gentle Glow

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Today was a really good day. Although I don’t like to write posts that aren’t uplifting, or bursting with joy, I have to say that yesterday it proved to be helpful. For me anyway. Something in a comment got me thinking about my reluctance to make decisions. He mentioned that some people actually preferred having someone else make the choice… then if (or when) things turn out badly, there is someone else to blame (Thanks Great to Good). When I read that, I knew instantly that it applied to me- in a certain area. WORK. Of all things. No wonder I’ve been struggling with taking the next step. In all the years that I worked for the broker, I was the right hand man. I’ve always thought of it as being the one that got stuck doing everything. You know… being overworked and underpaid, and always feeling slighted- that someone else is getting the credit for all of your efforts. But the reality of it is that I hid behind him. I had the choice to go out and do it on my own, but I …