All posts tagged: self-discovery

Sacred Space

Petals of white satin guard the stairway. As I make my way up, their feathery ends sway in the wind, draping the earth like a wedding gown train. Pillars of amber rise above the entrance to touch the sky. As I enter and take a seat, I see soft silk brushes, painting the clouds with gold. I am in awe, and then suddenly I realize… I am home.

Behind my Veil

Do I deceive myself? Does this thin veil protect me, From your copious attempts, To whisk me away into the night, Penetrate my covering, Steal my heart, And leave me vulnerable? Or do I deceive you? Hoping that you’ll instigate the affair, So that I can watch, As you search hopelessly, Allowing you to believe, That my heart is actually hidden here? —Janet Fandango’s One-Word Challenge: Copious Word of the Day Challenge: Instigate This isn’t really my style, but I had some revealing thoughts recently, about the roles that I’ve played in some of my ‘tragic’ love stories. I guess it’s true what they say… it really DOES take two to tango. It’s not always beautiful to see the truth about ourselves, but we’ll never be able to change what’s wrong until we do. Anyway, I thought the poem went well with my art. This was an accidental piece, and it lit a fire in me to try some new techniques… so I hope to do some more experimenting today. That’s about all for now—Peace …

Magical Makeovers

—A Page in My Journal My best friend went to cosmetology school when she was eighteen, and I was the brave subject of her very first “perm.” It looked pretty BAD, but eventually my hair grew out. Over the years that followed (or decades I should say), she became the extremely talented hairdresser that she is today. For many of those years, although she did exactly what I had asked her to do, I’d come away from her shop feeling slightly disappointed. Sometimes I wondered if it was just MY hair that never seemed to come out “just like” the pictures that I would bring her. I don’t know why it took her so many years to say it; but finally one day when we were discussing my dissatisfaction, she said that sometimes people come in believing that their new color or cut will make them look just like “the woman” in the photographs that they bring in, but that just isn’t the case. And it certainly isn’t a reality. All I can say is …

Introspection

Fear, like a giant boulder…Stays weighted at my feet.—Afraid I’ll miss the curtain call, I stay paralyzed…Gazing at the stage to find my cue. Impatience, like a cold wind…Sends me sailing into a flurry.—I shatter into pieces, chasing a million things…Until all that’s left are tiny shards. Reason, like a brilliant scientist…Wants to put me back together.—Like a puzzle to be solved, I inspect the fragments…But many of the pieces have been lost. Acceptance, like a soft embrace…Whispers I am enough.—The mystery becomes magical, and I feel love. But, Gratitude… Sweet, sweet Gratitude—Like a burning flame…She warms my soul. … Inspired by the Word of the Day Challenge: Gratitude Today’s Accomplishment: Write a poem without a rhyme Dr. Seuss likes to whistle tunes to me when I even ‘think’ about poetry, so this was extremely hard for me. Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. —African Proverb

Dream Chasers

A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work. Colin Powell In visiting some images from my past, I stumbled on this photograph I took of some of my friends taking surf lessons. I thought it was a good representation of my thoughts lately; about hard work and determination. One of our math assignments last week was to read an article by Carol S. Dweck—the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University—about fixed mindsets vs. growth mindsets. What’s interesting is that in doing so, I learned a little something about myself. A person with a fixed mindset believes that intelligence levels, talents, and abilities are fixed, that we inherently have what we have (basically what we are fortunate enough to be born with), and that’s it. A person with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believes that intelligence levels, talents, and abilities can be cultivated through effort and education; they are potentials that can be realized through learning and practice. I’ve always had a tendency to …

Love, Fear & Courage

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. -John Lennon  Well… it seems that my study of the word trust kind of fizzled out. I knew a whole year on one word was not my cup of tea! 😉 Regardless, even a week (or a month) spent on studying a word is something I would recommend. It seems to work better as an evolving process for me. I move from one word to the next, as I learn and discover things. Lately love, fear and courage are words that keep coming up. I’m learning so much about self-love, which these days I would have to call acceptance. It’s not about my past, or …

The Confession Series

Part One: I didn’t believe in God, so I never really feared going to hell… but then again, I didn’t need to. Hell had made its way to earth and was coming for ME. Part Two: I was a shy and quiet girl, from a perfectly normal family, who JUST wanted to fit in and be liked. Part Three: I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity. Part Four: Left to my own devices- I will overdue things to the point of self-destruction, sickness, or far worse- Death. Part Five: Hands sweating, heart racing, vision slightly blurred and my mind in a fog (but sober!), I put my foot on the gas, and held on tight to the wheel. Part Six: If the hole was round, this square peg would become ROUND, dammit, because I was going to fit! Part Seven: I needed to replace my unhealthy addiction of …

Awkward Growth

“The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, struggle to reach the light.”  -Sandra Kring I’m not quite sure why I’ve been leaning towards pink and purple lately. I think it’s because I’ve been feeling hurt and angry, and I wanted to calm myself. I think my images express my thoughts and moods even more than I realized. Maybe backwards though, because they tend to project what I want to feel, rather than what I do feel. I can live with that. 😉 Anyway, I shot this on my last visit to the old zoo. What’s interesting about the tree is that it’s growing somewhat sideways (and no… I didn’t tilt the camera). So… it works as a pretty good featured image for my weekend thoughts… about Growth. I’ve already mentioned that I had some weird experiences last week. What’s funny is that I really was sent into a mini tail-spin for a day (or two)… BUT, I’m kind of excited now because I discovered that it was really just an opportunity for growth. Pushing through the …

What If?

After thinking about my life this morning, I had a random, but important thought. About fear. You know—I realized that when I procrastinate about moving towards my dreams, I don’t ever really ask myself the question: What if I fail? Pondering Well, maybe—when I have to take a test or something—but I mean when it comes to taking chances and just going for a goal, or a dream. If I want something bad enough I’m never afraid of failure. When I started my business, I was renting a room in Arizona for $300 a month, sleeping on a blow-up bed, and had no car—so failure was the farthest thing from my mind! Maybe that’s the beauty of “nothing left to lose“. The point here is that I wasn’t afraid of failing—and I gave it my all; without hesitation. What occurred to me today is that, when hesitating about moving forward, my biggest fear is actually… What if I succeed??? Coming from someone who spent a good part of her life self-sabotaging, I think this makes total sense and I’m …