D is for Dreams Everyone knows what dreams are, but I wanted to find a more personal way to describe them. Not the dreams we have when we’re asleep; the dreams we dream when we’re awake. I poked around google and found exactly what I was searching for: A synonym for dream is HOPE.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” Guillaume Apollinaire I’m on the letter “C” today and this quote is perfect. I’m starting with a word that I’m not necessarily a fan of, but I won’t make a habit of that. Contradiction: a combination of statements, ideas, or features of a situation that are opposed to one another. Sometimes a professor will say something that totally contradicts what another professor said. That’s confusing, and sometimes annoying, but that’s not why I brought it up.
This morning I drove into Pasadena. It wasn’t a major excursion, but it was in the opposite direction of where I normally travel and everything was unfamiliar. I wish I had taken my camera. It’s the perfect place for street photography, but it was just TOO hot! I wanted to get in—and get out. I went there to pick up the kit for my drawing class. I’m already enjoying the course. It’s not so much that I’ve learned anything yet (it’s only been two days), or that I even see the possibility of getting really good at it. It’s the fact that I’m putting aside my fear, putting the pencil to the pad, and making an effort.
The path is twisted, But there’s a cross, in the light, Guiding my footsteps. And an update for the road— My summer break is coming to an end. School starts Monday, and my bag is already packed. It’s been an interesting season, and I’m glad I took the time to refresh and recharge.
The Journey Continues… It’s been awhile since I’ve updated my journal. On the one hand, it means that nothing exciting (or newsworthy) has been going on. On the other hand—and more importantly—the old idiom rings true: No news is good news. Today marks 1,229 days of sobriety… so that’s good news!
I finally got around to deleting my calendar that was counting down the days to my 3 year sober anniversary. It’s about time, since the date flew by almost three months ago!
Something wonderful happens when it rains here! I saw this ‘end of the rainbow’ a few weeks ago and thought it was a great image for this evening. I logged on a while ago and saw that I have 25 minutes to go until my sober anniversary. Woo! School is keeping me SUPER busy, and I rarely come up for air… but I’ve been thinking about everyone! Anyway, I added a lot of drama to this photo, just because. It was quite a dramatic feeling to walk out and see it in person. I never really knew if you could see the end of a rainbow until I actually saw it. And now I’ve hit my 3 year sobriety mark and life is fabulous. What’s funny is that I shared it on Facebook the day that I shot the image, and someone seemed adamant that it wasn’t real. I guess my Photoshop adventures have placed my photo shares in the “this image could be fake” category. BUT… it is real. That’s about all for now. …
Oftentimes I tell the people I meet about my transformation; how much I’ve changed since entering recovery and coming to believe. The way I usually describe it is that all of these changes are internal… they can’t be seen. Well, aside from the fact that you won’t “see” me drinking anymore. Sometimes I refer to it as a “new attitude,” and other times I say that a lot of it has do with “gratitude.” Even so, I still find myself complaining or whining at times (especially when I play softball), but I’m able to recognize my behavior, pull out my tools, and work on fixing the problem. While pondering the word angle—I realized that looking at life, myself, and others from different perspectives is probably one of the KEY factors behind my transformation. My new attitude stems from seeing things from new angles, and the ability to do so keeps me grateful. One of the greatest things I learned in recovery was that I need to look at my own reflection when something is bothering …
Sometimes I look back at my life, and I laugh about my dreams. When I was young, I wanted to be a cheetah. That dream led me to depression though, because cheetahs run so fast and no matter how hard I tried… it seemed as though it took me forever just to get from here to there. As I got a little older, I realized that I needed to be something else. I decided that I’d be much better off if I could be a lion. Lions are so courageous, and they have such strong muscles! I dreamed about being a lion for quite a long time, but it seemed to me that I didn’t have a single bone in my body. How could I wander bravely through the jungle if I didn’t have any bones? I envied lions for that. Eventually reality sunk in, and I just knew that I’d never be a lion. Maybe I was just being immature, wanting to be fast and strong like those animals that I admired. I was …
In days of old I caught ahold Of things experimental. I soon found out Without a doubt That this was consequential. I lost my wit My self was split My memories fragmental. … A rule of thumb: That offbeat drum Which sounds so instrumental Can lead the way To one’s decay And all that’s detrimental. To quench that thirst Consider first Something more transcendental. … I was trying to avoid writing today, but I thought ‘detrimental’ deserved some attention… and fun rhymes were singing in my head; threatening to make me a little crazy if I didn’t sit and write them down. On another note, I finally took that first step yesterday and started walking. I’m hoping to do it again today, to get a jump on the whole “be more active in 2019” plan, something I’m going to be mindful of this year. Have a beautiful day everyone!