All posts tagged: thoughts

On the Edge

I think the definition of artist is a bit enigmatic. I’ve never called myself an artist. I’ve said things like “this is some art I created,” or “I love to create art,” but that’s as far as it goes. I think the first explanation that pops into my head is the fact that I don’t use pencils, pens, or even brushes (although that may change after the new semester).

Magical Makeovers

—A Page in My Journal My best friend went to cosmetology school when she was eighteen, and I was the brave subject of her very first “perm.” It looked pretty BAD, but eventually my hair grew out. Over the years that followed (or decades I should say), she became the extremely talented hairdresser that she is today. For many of those years, although she did exactly what I had asked her to do, I’d come away from her shop feeling slightly disappointed. Sometimes I wondered if it was just MY hair that never seemed to come out “just like” the pictures that I would bring her. I don’t know why it took her so many years to say it; but finally one day when we were discussing my dissatisfaction, she said that sometimes people come in believing that their new color or cut will make them look just like “the woman” in the photographs that they bring in, but that just isn’t the case. And it certainly isn’t a reality. All I can say is …

Flying Solo

It’s been tough for me to post lately. Considering the old saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” I’ve come to a new and quite similar saying of my own – about myself and my writing – and I’m trying to live by it now. “If you don’t have anything to say, don’t say anything at all.” Actually, I thought about this while taking an English class over winter. Writing essays about emerging technologies and bullying on the internet, I found myself really questioning why it is I’m interested in writing, and why I found it so hard (or perhaps tedious is a better word) to write those essays. To make matters more confusing, I had also been pondering why graphic design was becoming less appealing to me after some of the projects I did for class. It was the answer that came to me that I actually got excited about… in order for these things to work, they have to come from my heart. That being said, …

Awkward Growth

“The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, struggle to reach the light.”  -Sandra Kring I’m not quite sure why I’ve been leaning towards pink and purple lately. I think it’s because I’ve been feeling hurt and angry, and I wanted to calm myself. I think my images express my thoughts and moods even more than I realized. Maybe backwards though, because they tend to project what I want to feel, rather than what I do feel. I can live with that. 😉 Anyway, I shot this on my last visit to the old zoo. What’s interesting about the tree is that it’s growing somewhat sideways (and no… I didn’t tilt the camera). So… it works as a pretty good featured image for my weekend thoughts… about Growth. I’ve already mentioned that I had some weird experiences last week. What’s funny is that I really was sent into a mini tail-spin for a day (or two)… BUT, I’m kind of excited now because I discovered that it was really just an opportunity for growth. Pushing through the …

A Note on Gratitude

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. John F. Kennedy I should make it a habit to write in the morning. My outlook is so good when I first wake up. At night my thoughts get lost in a fog of the day’s events, and I’m not always thinking clearly. First of all I’m going to change my image challenge. The things I’m grateful for isn’t working for me at all! I’m finding it hard to use my imagination when it comes to choosing and/or creating photographs that coincide with the many things I’m grateful for, and the frustration in that process is trying to steal my joy! Go figure. 😉 Anyway, I really can’t narrow down my gratitude like that either. When it comes down to it… I’m grateful to God, and I’m grateful for life. My sober life. My new freedom in Christ. Everything beyond that is an added bonus. But seek first the kingdom of God and …

Feeling Unruffled

Be kind to yourself while blooming. I know sometimes it feels like your soul doesn’t always fit. It’s all a part of the process. Emery Allen What I found odd yesterday is that when I was doing the mood images, I was unstoppable. There are so many different moods that one can experience—I could have gone on forever! Now that I’ve moved on to things that I’m grateful for, it’s been slow moving. There are a zillion things for me to be grateful for, don’t get me wrong, but there are two challenges I’ve faced. One is finding images to match, which is no big deal… but the other thing–that is VERY important—is that I FORGET to be grateful. In my Thursday meeting, I shared about my fears, as well as some thoughts I’ve been having about whether or not I’m doing the right things. You know, like wondering if my actions and motives lately are too self-seeking, and on and on… Two gentlemen (my brothers, I should say) said a few things that really helped me change …

Imaginary Blockades

We must remember that everything in this world has God’s fingerprints on it—and that alone makes it special. Our inability to see beauty doesn’t suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty. When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul! – Rabbi Harold Kushner

Relaxation

The quieter you become, the more you hear. My mood today is relaxed and I’m going to do my best to stay that way. Last night I came up with a way to address those recurring (and nagging) thoughts that I’ve been having. I’m going to write them as they pop up. Tonight… after I’ve enjoyed this relaxing day, I’ll sit down with and reflect on those thoughts. Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. William S. Burroughs

What IS the Hurry?

Hurry always empties a soul. Ann Voskamp Today my mood was: HURRIED. What’s funny about the word hurry is that it could lead you to believe that I was hurrying around—doing lots of activities. The truth of the matter is that I hardly moved, and I accomplished very little! All of the rushing around was in my head. I’ve got too many thoughts—on too many subjects—and I can’t seem to nail a single one down and address it. An interesting phrase I heard in my recovery meeting tonight is that we THINK about our thoughts. It’s true!

The Little Things

When we tug at a single thing in nature, we find it attached to the rest of the world. John Muir I know I’ve done droplets already, but they never cease to catch my eye and amaze me, so I’ll probably photograph and share them again and again. This camellia shrub is right outside the front porch, so it’s hard to miss. You can actually see a piece of it in A Peek Outside — between our window and the unsuspecting subject. The sun is threatening to come out this morning so I’m hoping to get out. Yesterday I picked my grandson up from school, and the big event was 31 flavors ice cream. I’m not sure which of us was more excited. Sometimes the little things are the biggest things!

Dreams

I have another little side note today. First of all, I’m halfway done writing Part Seven of the Confessions series. I’m so excited! But… what I wanted to say is that I watched a movie the other night, called High Strung (from 2016, not the older movie by the same title). Oh my goodness!! Be still my heart! Dancing!! I felt emotions that I haven’t felt in a long time, and I realized that dancing was probably the first thing that I ever dreamed of when I was young. I wanted to be a dancer. Dance was the only class in school that I ever cared for. I’m not sure if the emotions I felt were feelings of regret, or joy, or WHAT… but I came to realize that you MUST follow your dreams. It’s unfortunate that I’m a little older now, but who knows? You may just see some posts from me in the future… about me dancing again. It’s never too late, and it appears that dreams never die.

Expectations (A Poem)

Oh endless anticipation I dream of what’s to come I miss entire symphonies while beating my own drum The road beyond entices me I’m focused miles ahead Forever running to get there trampling flowers under tread I dreamed the world was perfect Expectations never cease The thing that I am lacking is a sense of inner peace. I miss my grandson calling me neglect to see his tears Selfish thoughts consume me as I ponder my own fears It’s tragic to be in my head that keeps me locked away Worrying of tomorrow or what happened yesterday I’d change the way I see things If only I knew how to conquer the big secret …of living in the now. I wrote this poem in 2015 when I was struggling with relapses and trying to overcome my stinking thinking—as they say in the program.It feels really good to read this and know that I think nothing like I used to. I no longer anticipate too much, expect too much, or stay trapped in my head too much. I have peace. Praise God for …

Confessions: Part Three

In spite of all the madness in those days (the crazy 80’s), I held down a job for eight years until—eventually—I was laid off. It wasn’t a surprise. Life had gotten really ugly, and I was showing up late on a regular basis, or calling in sick altogether. If I had to identify my first turning point, it was when I set foot in my career. Our landlord was a casual friend and a real estate broker. He literally walked through our door, and offered me a job. In all honesty, the method behind his madness was that he wanted us to pay our rent! With all that’s ever happened—and looking back now—I’d have to call his job offer one of my first God Winks. I want to say that the job taught me to be shrewd, but that sounds kind of harsh. Simply put, it was the first thing in my life that gave me a sense of my own identity. I learned my writing skills in that job. I was an innocent, untrained sheep, …